Ok so this week's TBT is
inspired by a phone call I received form my daughter's school yesterday.
The Vice Principal calls me to tell me that she has punched a boy in the
stomach. Let me give you a little background. My daughter is the
middle child of 3. She has an older brother and a younger brother of whom
which both bug her to death each and every day. She has had to defend herself
from their rough sibling horseplay. While all 3 of my children are very
well behaved, straight A students (the 3 yr. old isn't in school yet but he
WILL get good grades), they are just like many other set of siblings. One
moment they are playing together and the next they are doing something to upset
the other. Well my 6 year old princess isn't your traditional girl.
She isn't a pink-wearing, dress-twirling, playing with dolls girl.
She loves to break-dance and skateboard. Her favorite character
isn't Cinderella it's Spiderman! She'd take Power Rangers over My Little
Pony any day. So because of this I don’t think her brothers see her as a
girl. To them she is one of them and so the rough play begins.
Since she was a little girl I have taught her to defend herself. However
she has learned through the School of Hard Knocks (her brothers) how to look
out for herself physically. There are times when one of them will just
run up to her, take her favorite blanket right out of her hand and run away and
hide it. Lol poor baby. This upsets her. She gets frustrated and annoyed.
To them, this is entertainment. To her is cruel. One thing I learned
about her is that she will give fair warning before she takes any physical
action. Whether it is a look or a verbal warning we try to teach our
children not to just jump to physical altercation. This brings me back to
yesterday's incident. Apparently, a boy wanted to use her crayons and
when she said no he punched her dead in her stomach. And she immediately
balled up her fist and returned the favor. As I listened to the details
of the incident I initially felt horrible that she put her hands on anyone but
when she got to the part that he punched her FIRST a sigh of relief took over
me. I wanted to say "that's my girl. defending herself' but I
didn't. The phone call ended as I told the Vice Principal I'd have a talk
with her. Later that evening my husband and I had a talk with her. We
explained to her the she should have told on him the moment he hit her instead
of hitting him back (I won't lie, my hubby really enforces this. I, on the
other hand, wanted to say you go girl! Stinky boy won't hit you again!). As we
got her side of the story it turns out that just the day before this
saaaaaaaame little boy snatched her crayon box out of her hand and threw it on
the floor. She said she told the teacher and that she was just told to
put her jacket on because it was time to go. Now this made more sense.
THIS is what we teach them to do and she tried it on the first incident.
However when she saw nothing was done when she reported him the first time when
the second incident with the saaaaaaame boy happened she decided "what's
the point in telling? Nothing is going to be done about it?" In my
mind she said to herself "hey look you tried to do the right thing,
nothing happened, and this boy keeps messing with me so I will handle him
myself". And she did. I truly believe that if the first incident had
been addressed then the exchange of punches that occurred the following day
would have never happened. I don't think she will have any problems out
of that boy but I do wish it were handled a lot better. Let me just add,
my husband stressed to my daughter how important it is to go tell instead of
retaliating by giving her an example. He said to her that right now she
is around the same size and has the same strength as her 6 year old male
friends however in just a couple of year that won't be the case. The boys
will be bigger and stronger and if she hits THEM back it could turn really ugly
for her. He told her that all boys aren't taught not to hit girls (which
we are seeing in the news often). He told her that is why it's best to, if she
can, get away and go tell someone. Smart guy there. That small piece could have
just saved her life. I posted about Bullying last year and would like to
share it with you......Enjoy!
BULLY!!!!!! This is a word that has
definitely gained a huge focus in the last few years. Accordingly to
stopbullying.gov bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged
children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated,
or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and
who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.” The only
thing I disagree with in that statement is that it’s behavior among “school
aged children”. Bullying is common among adults as well. As a
mother of three young children I often worry about my children being the
victims of bullying. Not for any particular reason. Well maybe it’s
because they are now in school full time and I’m not there to actually see what
is going on in their day to day communication with others. I ask a lot of
questions but I also watch very closely. I looked up some of the signs of a
child that is being bullied and figured I’d share them with you!! But
first I wanted to dive into the different types of bullying.
When
most people think of bullying they think of physical bullying but there are
other types of bullying besides the physical (kicking, spitting, pushing,
tripping someone, taking something from someone and breaking it). There
is Verbal bullying and social bullying as well. Verbal bullying is
saying or writing mean things about someone. Some examples of verbal abuse is
name-calling, taunting, teasing or threatening to cause harm. Social
bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. A few
examples of social bullying are leaving someone out on purpose, telling someone
not to be friends with someone else, spreading rumors about someone and/or
embarrassing someone in public.
Now
that we have a more clear understanding of the types of bullying here are some
signs that your child could be a victim of bullying:
- Unexplained physical marks, cuts, bruises and scrapes
- Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed and that mood lasts
with no known cause
- Begins bullying siblings or younger kids. (Bullied children can
sometimes become the bully.)
- Blames self for problems; feels “not good enough”
- Change in eating habits
- Sudden and significant drop in grades. (Bullying can cause a child to
have difficulty focusing and concentrating.)
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
Some
parents don’t like to admit it but sometimes your child can actually BE the
bully. Here are some signs that care.com listed to tell if your child is
on the delivering end of bullying:
- Have friends who bully others
- Blame others for their problems
- Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
- Frequently teases or taunts other children/siblings
- Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
(Again,
Cyber bullying is when these things (non-physical) are done online)
So Parents, Teachers, Coaches let's play closer attention. I will be posting a followup to this but addressing how to best handle bullying when you're the adult. Until then, love you!
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