When is enough....enough?

So I have this friend who has been at her job for quite some time. She's gone through this dance with them over and over. It's a cycle of messy office politics. More than a dozen times I've heard her say how tired she is tired of the treatment specifically towards her. Tired of being singled out. See, her case is probably one you've witnessed or heard of. She’s in a situation where she has children to think of. She is the type of person who has a zero tolerance of disrespect. She doesn't entertain drama and petty adults. If her situation were different, if she didn’t have children she would have walked out of there years ago.  She would have told them where they could stick it and left.  But being a parent your first responsibility is to your children so she stays.  She stays but she doesn’t play office politics.  She can't do the “hey we're "work friends" so after I throw you under the bus let’s totally talk about how good Empire was last night!" No, she isn’t going to go to happy hour with you knowing that you discriminate against her behind closed doors. This friend of mine has a highly respected character. She helped the homeless even while she was homeless. She has a heart of gold. She is dependable and kind. This friend of mine is bright and determined. So when she is told that her "productivity is slacking" it's a slap in the face.

See for the last 6 years she has worked hours that no one with a family should work. She has gone in at 6am and stayed until 8pm. She is has been in the office on holidays. She has left the office as late as 1am just to go back the next morning. On snow days, instead of playing with the children she would log right on to that computer and......work. This friend of mine worked so much that it was at times haunting her in her sleep. She'd wake up at all times of the morning and....logon. It got so bad at one point that she would be so overwhelmed in the mornings headed to work that she would be in tears from the stress. Anxiety became her new guest. She skipped lunch daily. One day her daughter came to her and said, "Mommy why do you always have to work? Can you play with us?" THAT it when she stopped. That is when she decided to choose her family.  She decided that they were worth her cutting back all of the hours she was stealing from them and giving to this company.  This company that would never promote her. The company that would reward the bad behavior and abuse of her previous supervisor with a promotion.  The company that would retaliate against her when she reported to HR and cut her pay.  The company that wasn’t known for advancing people of color often at all.  The same company that got on her for not replying to emails when she rarely ever got responses from them about concerns she had. That day she realized that not only was she neglecting her family but all the time she was busting her butt for people that didn’t even acknowledge it. No one ever says to her “hey we see how hard you are working and we appreciate it.”  No one ever offered an extra bonus which she knows they can because she has seen them come across her desk. No one ever said a word about her working in the office on Thanksgiving break or Christmas Eve. Everyone outside that department takes notice. They go to her concerned. They tell her to be careful and to pay close attention. People outside the department praise her and build her up. They are honest and caring. They see what goes on. The moment she stopped working like a crazy lady she was told that her productivity has slacked and because of that she could no longer have the benefit the rest of the department has of working from home.  When she told me this, it broke my heart.  I felt for her.  All of that work she put in was now being the reason she was being punished? The hours she worked while at home, the nights she stayed up late, the missed field trips, they were all for…..THIS?!  How does that work?  I wanted to call her place of work up and say “YES her work has slacked, she chose her family!  She is no longer choosing you over them!”

This place she works at is full of mess. When is enough…..enough?  Did that time pass a long time ago?  When is it enough to say “you know what? I don’t deserve this.”  When is it time to realize that you were made for something greater?  That you were not created to accept this behavior and you don’t have to?  When is enough….enough.  When is it time to say to them, “I chose my family and I won’t continue to work double and triple hours for you.” I want to tell her that she would be a fool to stay a day longer. I want to tell her that she has stayed too long as it is. I want to tell her that she is better than what they can offer her.  I want to tell her that I know she has kids but to step out on faith, trust God and just leave. I want to scream to the top of my lungs for her to not only quit but report the entire company for discrimination. I have all these things I want to tell her but…..I can’t. I can’t tell her any of that because I know in my heart she won’t do it. I know that she will plan it all out perfectly and leave at just the right time. I know it’s coming very soon.  So since I can’t tell her I’ll tell you.  Know your worth.  That job you are at is just a comma in your life. It doesn’t define you.  That job you are unhappy in isn’t worth the stress and tears and drama and tear down.  That place you dedicate your time to 5 days a week for 40 hours is not for you if you cannot be appreciated for the jewel you are. It’s not for you if all they do is take take take. They take your time, and your hard work and your dedication only to sit you down during your review and tell you that your work is mediocre.  That your performance has slacked.  All of those hours you took from your family and gave to us is not appreciated and on top of that you will not be getting a raise. Nope not this year sorry try again next year.  Re-evaluate your job. Re-evaluate your life. Are being appreciated or are you fighting a losing battle?  My friend, my sweet, precious friend has been fighting a battle she will never win if she stays there.  She has decided that she will never go back to working those crazy hours.  And I say to her “good for you.”  She said that if she gets fired for choosing her family then so be it.  To her and to you I say choose YOU.  Know what you deserve and demand it.