Managing Emotions Under Stress.....Take back your Power!

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference"

A couple of years ago I was having a challenging time dealing with someone outside of my home. I won't say exactly who it is I'll just say I spend a great time at this place for a good amount of hours and a good amount of days a week.  It had gotten so bad that I would get stressed just getting dressed to go there. Just knowing I'd have to interact with someone so negative and so rude to me stressed my entire body out. I realized one day that although there was nothing I could do to change them I could try on my side to do what I could to at least try to deal with the stress better.  So I found and attended a training called "Managing Emotions Under Stress" in hopes that I would be given the proper tools to better manage my stress.  I also thought I'd get a chance to vent my ill feelings with others that were experiencing the same problem I was having. But to my surprise it didn't focus on the "trouble maker" at all.  The entire class was focused on those of us that were there and our part in the stress we allowed to get to us. 

One of the first things the speaker taught us was "Whenever I blame anyone or anything else for the way I feel or behave, I’ve given away the control of my feelings and behaviors".  Or in other words, you are giving that person the power.  That person that picks on you. That person that lies on you and bullies you.  You are allowing them to set the tone for your day, week, month.  Giving someone you aren't too fond of the power to control your feelings is only going to increase the level of stress.  Stressing while getting dressed to leave controlled my mornings. I was allowing that person into my life first thing in the morning and I hadn't even seen them yet.  

"It’s not the (negative) events in my life that matter....What matters is how I deal with those events."  This is another statement that stuck with me.  Things are going to happen and not all things that happen are going to be positive or are going to be  your fault.  What is going to separate us from the people who are causing the negative event is our response to it.  Do we stoop to their level and fire back or do we keep our composure (which is pretty hard to do after a while) and let God handle it?  Our initial reaction may be to defend ourselves right away.  We may want to take action to show "hey you are messing with the wrooooong person".  But going back and forth with that person only fuels the fire. It exhausts you. Not to mention it probably isn't helping the situation.  So instead of doing what is most natural "realize that your emotions are getting close to the surface and take a step back." Take a breather. Walk away if you need to.  Whatever you need to do to calm your level of stress inside, do it!  Make a conscious effort to calm it down during the situation instead of waiting until after.  If you wait until afterwards to try and calm down it's a little more challenging.  For one you have probably reached a level of stress that has you boiling which means it's going to take more than a couple of deep breaths to come back down.  Also, talking yourself to calmness can help you avoid doing or saying something that can lead to a punishment or consequence for you.  Have a little conversation with yourself .........breath. Tell yourself  "it's not worth the stress".  Take your power back!